Tanya Espanya

But I Want To Write

2012-01-19T16:10:00.002-05:00

Any idea how I can compel myself to write again? And check in and catch up with my bloggies that I've actually missed...?

How do I write and not sound lame and silly?

Yeah, that's what I thought...Okay, I'll try again next week.

I'm Here and I'm Fabulous

2011-09-15T15:21:00.004-04:00

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Hello my lovely little creeps,

I know some of you are wondering what happened to me, as I seem to have fallen off the face of the earth.

I'm so out of practice of writing that anything I start to put down just sounds lame and affected, like I'm fourteen years old again...barf.

At any rate, everything is really just great and my life is full...I have a new man, a new family (bonus kids!), a new house, a new job...and we're all puttering along and it's good...

This update is rather boring, sorry...maybe I'll get the hang of writing again.

I send you kisses and little pinches, too.

2010-10-17T01:36:00.002-04:00

2010-09-07T21:53:00.001-04:00

2010-08-04T21:18:00.001-04:00

you are...

2010-07-29T01:25:00.002-04:00

Here I play mini-golf with my son...

2010-07-02T17:44:00.001-04:00

2010-06-28T13:50:00.001-04:00

2010-06-17T01:04:00.000-04:00

“Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well.”

― Robert Louis Stevenson

2010-06-08T09:11:00.002-04:00

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.”

― Winston Churchill

2010-06-03T15:48:00.002-04:00

Do you know how crazy expensive swim diapers are?
$14 for 18 diapers.
Ridiculous.
I will actually let them air out and reuse them if I can because it's stupid how much they cost.

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2010-06-02T08:35:00.003-04:00

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A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optmist sees the opportunity in every difficulty

- Winston Churchill

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2010-05-31T23:08:00.001-04:00

2010-05-28T14:01:00.002-04:00

2010-05-26T10:34:00.000-04:00

Denise Marek

To go with the flow, ask yourself these three questions:

1. Will any amount of thinking, forcing, or coaxing alter my situation?
2. Which thoughts and old beliefs do I need to let go of?
3. In which new direction would I like to head?

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2010-05-14T01:51:00.000-04:00

2010-05-10T02:36:00.000-04:00

I love Paula Deen.

2010-05-06T01:35:00.000-04:00

2010-05-05T10:03:00.000-04:00

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Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.

- Michael Pollan

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2010-04-26T01:12:00.002-04:00

Greek Joke

2010-04-20T01:18:00.001-04:00

My best friend is Greek and she sent me this joke:

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes to the German hell and asks, What do they do there? He is told: "First they put you in a electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the American hell, as well as the Russian hell and he discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Greek hell and finds that there is a long line of people from all nationalities waiting to get in.

Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He is told , "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour, and then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Greek devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells. Why are there so many people waiting to get in?"

He is told, "Because the maintenance crew is always on strike, there is no electricity so the electric chair doesn't work, Albanians have stolen all the nails from the bed. The Greek devil is a former government employee, so he comes in, signs the register, and then goes to have his frappe and eats kourabiedes all day."

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2010-04-19T01:13:00.000-04:00

The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed.

- Buddha

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2010-04-18T01:40:00.002-04:00

You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

Kahlil Gibran

2010-04-17T08:46:00.002-04:00

“It is more easy to be wise for others than for ourselves.”

― François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

2010-04-15T05:36:00.006-04:00

Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

Dr. Martin Luther King

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2010-04-14T05:06:00.001-04:00

2010-04-12T04:24:00.000-04:00

2010-04-07T19:40:00.000-04:00

2010-04-06T19:24:00.000-04:00

2010-04-05T19:23:00.000-04:00

2010-03-31T02:42:00.001-04:00

Never know how much I love you,
Never know how much I care.
When you put your arms around me,
I get a fever that's so hard to bear.

You give me fever,
When you kiss me,
Fever when you hold me tight.
Fever! In the morning,
Fever all through the night.

Sun lights up the daytime
And moon lights up the night..
I light up when you call my name
And you know I'm gonna treat you right

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2010-03-26T01:47:00.001-04:00

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One of the benefits to being off work right now is that I can shlep my crazy mum to her innumerable and endless appointments.

I took her for her radiation/chemo session the other day and while we were in the waiting room, the doctor on duty asked us where we're from.

"I was born here, but my mum's from Spain."
"Not too many Spanish people from Spain here," he says.
"No, that's true," I said.
"You guys Basques?"
"Funny you should ask that, my dad was Basque."
"Yeah...my wife's boyfriend is Basque. Xavier."
"Your wife's boyfriend?"
"Well...EX-wife....Basssssque."
"Is your wife Greta?"
"Yes."
"I think your wife is dating my uncle. The butcher, right?"
"Please, he's a Purveyor of the Finest Meats!"
"Ahahahaha! Ohmygod, that's too funny! His wife was my mum's sister!"

See, I'm always saying that Toronto is a village. This is why you should be careful how you behave and what you say to whom. You never know when you're going to run into someone...

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2010-03-25T01:01:00.000-04:00

I don't think it's too early to swap off the winter tires.
My mechanic is the nicest guy in the world.
He comes over to my house and changes them in the street!
I pay him in muffins.
He is always telling me to call him if I need anything, and he's not making the moves on me.
He's protective of me, and it's nice.
I'm ready for another road trip!

Weird Spanish Traditions

2010-03-24T01:27:00.000-04:00

Here's a thing those weirdos do...they build up a huge monument out of wood, then they set it on fire!

Read more about it here and watch a video here...

Here are some of my own photos from when I lived there.

What's In a Name

2010-03-20T11:15:00.001-04:00

My boyfriend's name is Tony Flags.

He likes to whisper in my ear, "Rochester..."

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2010-03-19T10:13:00.001-04:00

“You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.”

― Rosalynn Carter

2010-03-17T09:48:00.001-04:00

“In the long run, you make your own luck―good, bad, or indifferent.”

― Loretta Lynn

2010-03-16T09:19:00.001-04:00

“The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us.”

― Ashley Montagu

At The Library

2010-03-15T01:10:00.001-04:00

The library offers free passes to go visit the museum, art gallery, science centre and some other lesser-known (and lesser-liked?) museums.

They are supplied by Sunlife Insurance, and you have to line up Saturday mornings at 9:00 am to get your free pass. There are only five passes available for each venue, and of course there are twenty other losers lined up before me on this fine rainy wintry Saturday.

I have already written to the library to suggest they allow us to reserve the passes online, just as they allow us to reserve books and DVDs online.

I mention this to the moron standing behind me, and she says, "Well, that wouldn't be democratic!"

"Yes, it would exactly be democratic. Not everyone can come in on Saturday mornings, some people work or go to the gym (me!) or are just bloody lazy (also me!). They can set aside half the passes to give out in person, and half to give out via the reservation system. Besides, not everyone has feet to come in."

I got a pass to the stupid shoe museum, not valid during the upcoming March break, and it expires in a week. What a sweet deal!
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Slob Job

2010-03-14T04:17:00.003-04:00

I have signed on with another placement agency, bringing the total I'm registered with to FOUR! Not that it helps. Each agency wants my resume done a different way, online sites want it done differently, it's nutso.

I was recently interviewed at an up-and-coming company for position of executive assistant and office manager. I was there for two hours, interviewed with the human resources, investor relations as well as the president and CEO. After three weeks, I was informed that I'm not what they're looking for.

I have just applied at the liquor store for part time shelf stocking, but as they prefer their monkeys to work in the evenings or overnight, I doubt I'll be considered for that job.

I'll never get out of my mother's basement at this rate...
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2010-03-11T04:18:00.000-05:00

First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do. --Epictetus

2010-03-09T08:47:00.002-05:00

“Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth.”

― Katherine Mansfield

2010-03-08T09:30:00.003-05:00

“A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.”

― Patricia Neal

2010-03-06T09:30:00.000-05:00

“If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.”

― Mary Pickford

Extra Important Exciting News!

2010-03-01T01:36:00.003-05:00

Ohmygod, you guys!

You're not going to believe this!

I was cleaning out my desk and I came across some name labels I bought to put on Alexander's crap.

You know, little labels pre-printed with his name to put in his coat and shoes and boots so at the daycare they'll know what stuff is his.

I bought these when he was a couple of months old and I was looking for them and thought that perhaps they got lost in the move.

My week has been made with this wonderful turn of events.

How should I celebrate?

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Interview This!

2010-02-24T01:55:00.011-05:00

I've been looking for work since the summer, I'm registered with three placement agencies, and have been networking like a whore.

I'm cold calling, sending out my resume, and applying to places like Costco and Flight Centre.

I'm hearing back that perhaps I'm overqualified, and that I should 'dumb-down' my resume. Uh, no. If I do that, then I don't get a good salary. Not that I'm ever going to make more than a mid-40K anyway.

Some of the questions are so dumb, too.

"Why do you want to work?"

Because I'm a single mother trying to raise society's future.
Because I'm bored.
Because I ran out of drugs.

I look at an interview like a date, and it's a good thing I'm sociable and outgoing, so I don't take it personally when they don't think I'm a good fit for their company. Or for dinner.

Although dating is currently not on my radar. Please explain how I would have time?

I pick up my son from daycare and we spend our evenings together. We go to the library for a bit or swimming. Sometimes I'll bring him grocery shopping with me so he can look at something different.

I can't afford a babysitter and my mum is getting too old and tired to watch him for more than a couple of hours at a time, so forget any sleepovers, and I'm not going to bring him with me on a date.

Yay single motherhood! How do people decide to do this by choice?
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Happy Birthday!

2010-02-23T01:37:00.002-05:00

My mum's friend is turning 50 this week. The friend, let's call her Phillipa, is the nicest person on earth.

I'm not nice, I've never pretended to be nice, some people think I'm nice, but it's just smoke and mirrors, baby, I'm a fucking bitch. Phillipa is nice, she makes me want to be nice, I am a different person around her because she is so lovely and sweet that I want to be like her. For about five minutes.

Her only 'failing' is that she looks a lot older than her age. Poor thing. She was a smoker and a drinker for many years, so she has deep grooves and lines on her face. She's trying to fight the aging process by bleaching her hair and it doesn't work. Basically, she's so rough even the bikers don't want her. But it's okay, because she's really nice. God, I love her!

So, my mum and I are talking about the upcoming birthday and I say, "I hope I look better than that when I hit fifty!"

And my mum says, "You look younger than your age now. Anyway, who knows if I'll make it for your 50th birthday, I might not be alive."

"What are you talking about, it's only 10 years away... You're only 72!"

"Oh, I was thinking of The Boy's 50th! I wouldn't make it for HIS 50th!"

hahahahah!!

Thank You Hookers!

2010-02-22T13:36:00.001-05:00

Aw, my lovelies!

Thank you for the emails professing your love for me and my stupid blog.

I don't want you to get too excited that I'm going to be posting a lot, but I'll do my best.

I'm taking advantage to write while I can because I know KNOW my job is coming! It has to. I want it badly so it will come, right? Right?! Yeesh.

I don't know what the job is, but something's got to get here already, I want to buy a house for me and my son.

Maybe a condo? A condo could work since we're two small people and we don't need a lot of space.

A condo with an indoor pool would be fucking awesome! As it is right now, I try to take him swimming once a week so if we had our own pool that would be more convenient. We wouldn't have to wear coats and drive to the pool...

Anyway, yes, please keep visiting me here, I promise to bore you to tears with my uninteresting life.
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Bookface

2010-02-21T10:02:00.000-05:00

I've been on Faceboob for the last year and a half or so, and it's been neat to reconnect with some friends from my past.

I remet a few friends from highschool, and now we're regularly meeting up, and our kids play together. It's nice to see how my friends have turned out, from when we knew each other as 15 and 16 year olds.

Last week I was found online by a friend from Grade 7 and we went for coffee. She brought her yearbook and we sat in Starbucks, looking over it, and it was bittersweet to look at all the baby faces.

As I turned the pages I was taken back to what wasn't a great time for me. I looked like a boy, I was poor and not a happy kid. But talking with my friend we realized that all the kids were the same, we were all poor and unformed and unaware.

I don't feel poor and boyish anymore, so that's good. I feel like a rockstar, motherfuckers!

At any rate, it's fun to see where people have ended up. Some have moved away to different parts of Canada, some are in Europe and Australia. When they come back to Toronto we try to meet up and it's been fun to see how everyone's life turns out.

My life isn't what I expected, although I don't know that I had any set idea of how it was going to be. I did expect to still be married and growing old with my husband, and after I had one child, I thought I'd have more, and I thought I'd continue traveling and visiting new places.

It's almost like my life came to a screeching tire-burning stop, but I'm fine to have my one perfect son and our new little life. We're happy with our little routines and just being together.
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Music

2010-02-19T08:54:00.001-05:00

I hear a song and decide I like it so then I have to listen to everything by that artist non-stop for weeks until I get sick of them.

I listened to Dido for a few months, then Lily Allen, City of God soundtrack...

My current favourite is Lenny Kravitz.

It's not that I didn't like him before but I just started re-listening to him and he's just so great.

I got a bunch of his cds from the library and copied them over to my iPhone, and this way I can edit out the crummy ones.

I remember when I was having Alexander and when I was brought into the surgery to get prepped for him to be removed from my body, "Are You Going To Go My Way" was blaring in the room. It was so great, I was so high, and I love that memory.

This way now I think of my son whenever I hear Lenny.
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What I'm Up To

2010-02-16T11:28:00.004-05:00

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You're wondering what's up?

Here's the deal...

I'm rebuilding my life after fifteen years of sharing with another person.

I'm learning how to be alone, and enjoying the process.

I'm raising my son and falling in love with him a thousand times a day.

I'm looking for a job so I can afford to keep living my life, and take care of my son.

I'm continuing to go out and socialize and enjoy my friends.

Oh, you want to know if I have a boyfriend?

No, I do not.

I've had plenty of offers, and that's a wonderful feeling.

There are quite a few men out there who think I'm lovely beautiful smart funny and delightful.

But the only man in my life right now is my son.

You may have heard differently, but it's just the two of us.

I'm not sure that I'll be writing on any consistent schedule but I'll see what I can do.

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