My mum's friend is turning 50 this week. The friend, let's call her Phillipa, is the nicest person on earth.
I'm not nice, I've never pretended to be nice, some people think I'm nice, but it's just smoke and mirrors, baby, I'm a fucking bitch. Phillipa is nice, she makes me want to be nice, I am a different person around her because she is so lovely and sweet that I want to be like her. For about five minutes.
Her only 'failing' is that she looks a lot older than her age. Poor thing. She was a smoker and a drinker for many years, so she has deep grooves and lines on her face. She's trying to fight the aging process by bleaching her hair and it doesn't work. Basically, she's so rough even the bikers don't want her. But it's okay, because she's really nice. God, I love her!
So, my mum and I are talking about the upcoming birthday and I say, "I hope I look better than that when I hit fifty!"
And my mum says, "You look younger than your age now. Anyway, who knows if I'll make it for your 50th birthday, I might not be alive."
"What are you talking about, it's only 10 years away... You're only 72!"
"Oh, I was thinking of The Boy's 50th! I wouldn't make it for HIS 50th!"